College Graduation Reflection

By: Helen Kim
I remember sitting in the UIC Bible house one day as a freshman saying these words: “There is no way that I will be able to graduate in 4 years. It’s impossible for me.” I had it already set in my mind that the minimum amount of years that it would take me to graduate was five.

Actually, the mindset I held over myself was that I was dumb, lazy and while others held dream jobs of becoming doctors and engineers, my dream job was to become a secretary. I did not have high standards for myself and settled for what was easiest.

The first two years of attending college can be described as difficult and eye opening. I was never really a good student and was not hard working, so going to classes and finishing my homework assignments was not my top priority. I was more interested in having fun and seeking out what would benefit me. But when I started to fail many exams and fail a few classes, I had realized that I was completely out of touch with what was important. I realized that in every area of my life, to simply go through the motions was not enough to satisfy my soul. I knew that there had to be more to life especially because of the strong sense of meaninglessness that was ever present throughout my life. I called myself a Christian and carried out all of my religious activities like I was supposed to, but even these things made me feel burdened, not knowing why I was doing these things in the first place.

This then lead me to an even deeper realization that I hardly knew God. I deeply asked myself the question “is God real?” I had to meditate over this because to me, the religious activities that I had been doing were overshadowing who God really was to me. It was at this point that I took some time to step back and seek God on my own. I grew tired of borrowing the faith of those around me-my parents, my friends and my Bible teacher. I wanted to find my own faith and belief in God independently. This was the best decision that I had ever made concerning my own faith and ministry.

I really accepted the verses Matthew 11:28 & 29 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” It was through this time of leaning on Jesus and learning His ways that I could find out even more about who God is to me. This precious time of meditating on His word and surrendering over my heart to Him lead me to really see God and how much He loves me. It was through accepting this love that my life began to change drastically. I was even able to see how valuable I am in the sight of God and how He really wants to use me. Although the way that God wants to use me looks much different than what my peers were doing in UIC ministry, I was able to see that I am extremely precious to Him. God’s love changed me. God’s love showed me that I am to hold higher standards for my life and that I am going to be used in a way that is unique and special.

This change was visible to those around me as well and also can be seen on my official transcripts. Life became extremely enjoyable because I had found and held on to a deeper meaning for my own self. Being strongly founded in God enabled me to explore more of my identity and have a strong confidence that I am His beloved daughter and that in Him my future is bright. I give all thanks to God and everything that I was able to accomplish was really through the change that God had done in me. I was able to go from being on academic probation to graduating on time with a 3.0 GPA and getting very good grades in my last two years of college.

Coming out of college, the most thanks that I have is that I have developed into someone who now considers herself as intelligent, confident and valuable- all because of God’s overwhelming love for me.